How to "not take it personally" when people judge you for what you can't do?

A little bit of a back story: I am incredibly OCD about cleaning. I clean every day, and I "deep clean" everything and organize cabinets,drawers, closets, etc, usually every two weeks, but sometimes it ends up beingi 3 weeks. My house always looks decently clean to extremely clean. My husband is constantly forcing me to rest and relax and tells me to stop cleaning things that are already clean, because he knows how badly I need that rest. I do dishes, laundry, work an 8-10 hour job, 5 days a week, clean, cook, and have a young horse in training that takes up at least 1 hour, usually 2 hours, of my day, also 5 days a week. Now, my husband and I recently adopted an orphaned 4 week old lab puppy, who is the most adorable little bundle of joy! We weren't planning on getting a puppy so little, but we both fell in love with her- she truly is one of the most "beautiful" puppies I have ever seen! But being so young, her 24 hour cycle goes something like: sleep 1 hour, eat, pee, play 30 min, pee, sleep, repeat. And this is all day and all night. Suffice to say that my husband and I are both exhausted, but she's a cutie and so worth it! Now, as others with chronic illnesses and fibro know...lack of sleep/increased demand/stress = fibro flare. So I'm in a big one right now and still (Only God knows how- on his strength only!) am managing to get most of my daily stuff done, in between resting and heating pads and etc. in retrospect i really should have taken our first two weeks with her off of work. Anyways, our house is on a hill, so our entryway has a staircase up to the rest of the house. I recently posted a video to my facebook page of our sweet little pup learning to hop up the stairs on her own, which is the cutest thing because the stairs are taller than her right now, and she really gets a good jumping movement going up them. So cute! A family member (who I love dearly, but we rarely ever see and haven't seen much of for all of my life- the live across the country) commented on my video with "looks like you need to clean up your stairs, your house must be so dirty!" I was/am so offended. I am trying not to, but I tend to take this stuff to heart because I still struggle with my limitations and I get so frustrated when I can't finish something or can't complete something due to a fainting spell, sudden intense pain, and all the other things that aren't even worth mentioning. Was there some dirt and leaves on those stairs? Yes. BUT we live way out in the countryside on a farm, and believe me, the dirt, mud, dust, hay, leaves, bedding flakes, and everything else gets tracked in and builds up faster than you can keep it clean. Also, I had just vacuumed those stairs 2 days prior to posting that video. So, to sum up, I felt really judged and a little indignant because I am always cleaning, always struggling, always juggling everything I have to do, always getting frustrated with my limitations, and trying my hardest to do everything while constantly feeling like I am in over my head, not to mention a current fibro flare and a little pup who needs round the clock supervision and feeding.....does anyone have tips for not letting things like that get to you? Thank you :)


  • After posting on Facebook what I was going through with my Fibromyalgia and websites if anyone wanted more info. My sister admitted she avoided speaking to me because it was so difficult to talk with me, the fibro fog makes it very hard for me to articulate speak and comprehend at times. We talk more know, for me to let go, I put family in two groups (Relatives) that I love that choose to judge and remain uninformed, I choose to think of them as rain drops and me under an umbrella, letting it slide away. (Family) I choose to dance in the rain and get soaked to the skin with love. This visualization helps me when I start to feel hurt. Let it rain, sincerely DogMom
  • @Gloria_Armstrong

    You mentioned that you rarely see this relative...something I just learned recently after visiting adopted relatives who spoke nasty things to me...if a person has no authority to speak into your life...leave it at that...that person's comment was a reflection of them...they aren't with you daily...they don't know you...therefore they have no authority to speak into your life...does this make sense? I'm personally amazed that you can do all of that while being diagnosed with fibromyalgia...if I can sweep and mop my floors that is a victory for me...and I'm also a clean freak...all that matters is God sees what's going on and you both know the what if you had a leaf on outside stairs my goodness...gosh forbid you ever get dirt on the outside of your house (do you see how ridiculous that sounds?) Please be gentle on yourself and forgive and truly let go...
  • @DogMom Thank you! That is a beautiful analogy and I will definitely be trying to utilize it :smile:
  • @Amber Thank you so much for the encouragement. It is such a struggle isn't it? It's been even harder because I have gotten SO good at "faking my health" so since I don't "look sick" and I don't complain about it all the time, people generally assume I'm fine and can't understand when I tell them that I couldn't handle a pregnancy right now, and etc. Lol, lately everyone has been asking me and my husband when we are gonna start having kids, and I am not sure I will ever be well enough for that. And you're absolutely right- someone who doesn't know me, distant relative or not, really is not in any position to judge my life or what it looks like, because they have no idea! You poor thing-- I totally get it. I manage to vacuum, but I have to take breaks and do it throughout the day in little increments. I can't sweep or mop really either-- that happens once every 2-3 months if I'm lucky lol. Thank you for the encouragement. I was having a down day and it really helped me <3

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