Talk About It
It’s really important the people around you know that you want to do things for yourself, it’s just that you can’t.
It’s completely natural to feel guilty about sitting on the sofa while your family members do all the chores, but it’s not like you have many other options.
It’s important that you talk about your guilt and your pain. I’m not suggesting that your partner does the dishes as you whine about your neck pain, but you need to acknowledge that you want to help and you’re sorry that you can’t.
I’m not for a moment implying that you apologize for your health — that’s not something you have control over — but you can be sorry that you can’t help out more.
As long as the people around you know that you don’t take them for granted, you can feel a little bit less guilty. They know you appreciate them and that’s what matters.
Accept It and Move On
There are times when the feeling of guilt is inevitable and there is nothing you can do but accept it. Last week I had to take a day off work; my pain was particularly bad and I think pre-Christmas stress probably meant I was doing too much and not looking after myself.
I took the day off and cancelled a meeting, but as soon as I did it I felt guilty. I worried I had let my team down and that I wasn’t doing a good job at work. My fibromyalgia had yet again had an impact on those around me.
But, it is what it is. We can’t do all the things we want to do and more often than not we have to change or cancel plans because everything is just a little bit more difficult than we thought it would be.
You can worry and feel guilty all you like, but you are unwell and you can’t help it, so just do the best you can and move on. Let those around you help out, and just say thank you.
Determine Your Strengths
Fibromyalgia patients are rarely physically strong, but that doesn’t mean that we are weak. There are plenty of things we are good at and focusing on our strengths helps us to feel less guilty.
Okay, maybe you can’t do the chores or go out shopping with the girls, but let’s think about what you can do. I recommend getting a piece of paper and splitting it into two columns; write a list of all the things you’re good at in one column and a list of all the things you enjoy in the other.
Next, match the two together. There will be things that you enjoy and are more than capable of doing which even the most healthy, strong person can’t cope with.
For example, one of my skills is in planning and organization. I enjoy making plans and I am good at turning those plans into a reality. I spend every waking moment with my diary and notebook, and if there is something to be arranged I want to be the one arranging it! (I know, I’m that person who spontaneous free-spirits despise!)
I use these skills and interests to help out my friends, such as planning bachelorette parties and arranging work events. I feel less guilty lying in my bed when I know I’ve spent the day on my laptop and my phone to organize something that helps out a friend.
I have a feeling that guilt will always be one of the fibro balls we have to juggle, but by taking control of your guilt and helping those around you, you're less likely to get hit in the face with it. Or something like that.
